Discover NEW Opportunities from OLD Friends
There’s no denying, there’s a real power that lies in reconnecting with old friends or family. Often, we think it’s the close friends and family that we see day to day that will provide us with the most value for our lives.
Whilst this may be true in some cases, it’s not strictly true for ALL of the valuable opportunities that we encounter. This blog focusses on how to nurture our dormant ties, in order to bring more of those really WOW moments to our lives.
I dunno about you but whenever I’m working on a new project, I find myself only sharing this information with my inner circle. Ya know, really keeping it on the downlow.
This pattern of behaviour has happened throughout my life. Especially in the past with job searches. I’d be knee deep in cold calls and awkward application processes for a handful of job listings that, let’s face it, I didn’t always want to apply for, but regardless, I’d always share what I was up to with my friends and family…. (Quite often, this would include me crying about how hard it was to find a job, no one would call me back, and I would go down this entire disempowering conversation. I’m sure I’m not alone in that!)
So, what’s wrong with only communicating this type of information within your inner circle?
The problem is, the people in your inner circle usually have access to the same people and resources as you. Their span of reach isn’t that much further than your own because the overlap in knowledge and network is huge...so the opportunity to find a new job or gain new insights is small.
So how do we change this? Well, that’s easy! We add in a step of reconnecting with what sociologists call our ‘dormant ties’.
Dormant ties are people we used to talk to but for some reason or another, we don’t anymore. This may be due to career progression, industry changes, or geographical moves to a new town, or even to the other side of the world – we just seem to lose touch with these people.
Important! Don’t get these people confused with past relationships that deliberately broke down, okay! Don’t be trying to rekindle or repair stuff here...this is purely about engaging with the good eggs! The people who you have drifted from, simply because a little thing called “LIFE” got in the way.
Whilst your relationship with these people is currently dormant, your lives certain aren’t. No matter what the reason was for you to go off in your different directions, both of you have gone on to create a whole new cluster of your being with jobs, friends, family, passions, knowledge and interests in abundance.
Although on the surface you might not think it, these people are actually incredibly valuable to you BECAUSE they aren’t part of your inner circle. This means the opportunities and knowledge that they have access to could far outweigh what you can get from your inner circle. Because there is barely any overlap at all. This has the potential to expose you to a wealth of new networks, knowledge, jobs and projects that you may never have come across otherwise.
So, these people are important right? Seems a no brainer to get in touch. Yet, the crazy thing is… we don’t! Dormant ties are SO underused!
I urge you to reach out to your dormant ties. Go on! Make a list of 5-8 dormant ties and start to work your way through.
To give you some ideas of who to reach out to…
I want you to scroll through the messages on your phone and see who you haven’t spoken to in a while.
Or those people that when you see them again, you pick up right where you left off.
Or People you’ve been meaning to “get in touch with”
Now, I can already hear it. That sceptical solo conversation that’s just started in your head saying things like, “But what do I say?” … “It’s been so long since I’ve reached out...they might think I want something from them” or “I don’t want to come off as needy” or “Ah, this feels weird”. Well, first of all, chill the f out! It’s natural to feel like that, but consider the fact that the world is full of so much complexity right now, I’m sure the other person will be SO happy to hear from you.
When you figure out who you would like to reach out to…here are few examples of what to say:
“Hey I was thinking about you today because I read/saw/heard XYZ and I wanted to catch up with you”
“Hi, friend (insert their name) It’s been so long since we’ve caught up, I would love to hear what’s going on in your life.
“Hey there, how are you doing? It’s been so long since we connected. Let’s change that. I would love to hear what’s cookin’ in your world.”
As your conversation unfolds, you will naturally talk about projects you’re working on or the goals you want to achieve. I don’t want you to expect anything straight away from the conversation because that’s what makes it truly awkward. Just see where the discussion takes you in its own beautiful way.
A great example of reconnecting dormant ties, is the story of Lorenza Fertitta and Dana White. 2 of the 3 former owners of the UFC. Lorenzo was the boxing commissioner when Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ear off and Dana managed early UFC fighters Tito Ortiz and Chuck, Liddel. (If you don’t know about the UFC or not into MMA fighting that doesn’t matter... this story still resonates!)
Dana and Lorenzo were old high school friends, until Dana got kicked out of school. 10 years later they reconnected at a mutual friend’s wedding, and after several free drinks discovered that they both liked prize fighting. At the wedding they said what most of say, “Hey we should catch up again soon!” But unlike most people…they actually did.
A couple weeks later, Dana found out that the original owners of UFC were looking to sell, so he called his dormant tie, Lorenzo, and told him he should buy the UFC. So, Lorenzo bought it for 2M, giving Dana 10% in the process. That’s how the start of their “business love story” began.
By combining Dana’s background in UFC with Lorenzo’s experience on the athletic commission, it was a match made in heaven. Skip ahead to 2016 and following a very successful stint running UFC, Dana and Lorenzo sold UFC for 4 BILLION DOLLARS… I repeat… 4 BILLION DOLLARS…. purely by taking action on their dormant tie. I don’t know about you, but I am DEFINITELY tuned into the power of dormant ties now!
So, whilst I can’t promise that you’ll sell a company for 4 billion dollars, if you reach out to a dormant tie, I can promise you this:
You’ll feel better for doing it - once you pick up the phone or drop that text or send that email - you’ll get a response and realize, “why didn’t I do this sooner”.
You’ll really find your flow - Once the first one is out of the way, and you experience the true power of dormant ties, you’ll find yourself continually reconnecting with other dormant ties. Because when you think about it, there’s an endless list to work through.
You’ll realise SO many people want to help you - When you’ve run into someone and picked up right where you left off isn’t it nice? Now, if that person asked you for help on a project or your knowledge on a topic, wouldn’t you be happy to help them? It naturally feels good to help others. Now...don’t you think the other person would feel good about helping you too? Don’t be afraid to open up and give people the opportunity to contribute to whatever it is that you are working on or in search of – they’ll be sure to have value to add.
So, I challenge you this week to reach out to a dormant tie. I don’t want you to have an agenda - just reach out. Be sure to ask what the other person is up to or working on at the moment. You may be able to identify an area of their lives or current projects where you can add value through your expertise and they may be able to offer the same to you.
You don’t need to have a major shift like Dana White and Lorenzo Fertitta’s story to be a success story! They are the perfect inspiration, but really, it’s all about stepping outside of your comfort inner circle to reconnect and uncover new opportunities to lift you higher.
Feeling nervous reaching out to a dormant tie in your life? Wash that nervousness away with a quick 15 min networking strategy call with Ro. Booking link is here.